


Watch Them Prance and Drown

by BubbaKnowlton



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Han gives shit advice lmao, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Phasma is the greatest friend Hux will ever have, abuse mention, asexual!Kylo and Hux, poor Luke lmao, weirdly self-indulgent and vague setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 15:24:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7579330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BubbaKnowlton/pseuds/BubbaKnowlton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>All the kids on Arkanis they want to die and drown- watch the cattle in the water, watch them prance and drown. Everyone on Arkanis, in eternal rain- everyone on Arkanis, watch them prance and drown- shove them all into the water, watch them prance and drown-</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Luke watches over his (new) nephew Kylo, and while he's off on a walk, his nephew's boyfriend shows up in bad shape. He calls Han for advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watch Them Prance and Drown

**Author's Note:**

> HEY there its Bubba/Oblio back again with a self-indulgent fanfic.  
> the drug use tag is there because Brendol Hux is an asshole who stabbed his son w a syringe and little Hux is Flying High  
> i love Done™ Uncle Luke and his trash nephew so here we are !!  
> i just wanna state that Hux in this is Bad because he made and blew up a bomb when he was a little teen because Snoke (not mentioned) told him to. he wasn't arrested because he was too smol and under adult influence. Luke forgot about this so its not mentioned. originally i wrote about it, but it didnt fit well so Out It Went  
> i hope u enjoy the silly song i made Hux sing

**Watch Them Prance and Drown**

There was a ginger man sitting on his living room floor, Luke found, and he had his head resting on his nephew's knee, his nephew's arms wrapped around his shoulders. The man looked slightly older than Ben -no, Kylo. Maybe five years at the most. Luke thought he looked familiar, and finally remembered. He'd checked his computer for the first time in months, a month back, and had found that Ben, then just turned Kylo Ren, had still been friends with him on some social media site. There was a picture of him and this man on it, the caption something like 'my boyfriend !!!!', the two of them wildly grinning. The ginger didn't even seem to notice they'd been caught, whistling some unfamiliar tune that wasn't pleasent. The pitch went too high, then low, then high and higher, dropped, and continued in random order.

"Hey pumpkin, sing that stupid song for my uncle." The whistling stopped. "The one you hum when your dad does things."

"I don't think Skywalker will appreciate the song. And for your information, Ren, it's not a stupid song. It's a part of my childhood." His eyes were too wide, too blue. There was a bruise peaking up from under his high collar, a smudge of dark tainting the cloth it vanished under. "It's the equivalent of that flower song over here."

"That flower song, pumpkin? Which one?"

"Pocket full of posy, we all fall down." He was high, Luke realized. Completely out of it.

"Oh, yes, that one. Will you sing your song for my uncle? It'll make you feel better."

"Nothing from that fucking island makes me feel better, Ren, how silly. But- the song. Will he like it?"

Kylo looked at him. "What do you think, Uncle? Humor him until the drugs wear off?"

"I am not drugged!" The ginger twisted his head and Luke could see a blotch of red on his neck with a point in the center, where a needle must have gone in. "Father just- does things! It's been a loooong time, Ren, I'm not on them anymore."

"They'll wear off in a few days. Won't you sing the song?"

"Fine, fine." The ginger struggled to his feet, wobbling. He was pale. "But if he doesn't like it-" He warned Kylo. As he mumbled to himself, Kylo waved Luke over.

Kylo's voice dropped to a whisper. "Hux is my boyfriend, and don't tell my mother about him. His father hates him and he... injected him with something while hitting him, I think. He came in this morning, I think it's been at least three days, I don't know how he got here, nor when the stuff will wear off. He was sick this morning, but I think he's getting better."

"All the kids on Arkanis they want to die and drown- watch the cattle in the water, watch them prance and drown. Everyone on Arkanis, in eternal rain- everyone on Arkanis, watch them prance and drown- shove them all into the water, watch them prance and drown-" Hux stopped his little chant, hands going limp at his sides. He frowned at the floor. "Ren?"

"Yes, pumpkin?"

"I don't know the rest of the song. They'd always push and hold me under the water first. I never heard the rest. Father and his wife never told me either. I can't sing it."

"That's alright. Want to sit down again?"

"My head hurts."

"Mhmm. Sit down and tell me about how Mr. and Mrs. Hux are doing." Kylo patted his lap. Hux just slumped down onto the floor. "That'll do."

"Everything's blurry."

"Like this morning?" Hux nodded. "You'll be back to normal soon."

"How did I get here? I was on Arkanis with Father." He looked around the room with those too wide eyes, pupils too small.

"I don't know. A boat, perhaps. Was his wife there?"

"She did things." Luke had a feeling that meant his mother had also beaten him. "I ruined her dress with blood. Ripped it. Father threw me out. I'm still his."

"Oh, that's good. But you could live with me, you know. Stay here for a while." The ginger didn't respond. "Uncle, can he stay? He'll get hurt if he goes back home. Mr. and Mrs. Hux must be upset with him for something."

"Fucking bastard, Father said. Useless. Thin. Weak. Waste- Waste of his time."

He couldn't very well let someone he knew needed his help be turned away, even if he didn't trust him. Kylo had been doing terrible things, so for him to have a secret boyfriend must have meant that the redhead was capable of worse. "Of course he can stay. Just promise me you won't get up to no good in this house. While he's under influence, that would be ra-"

"I'm not going to fuck him, holy shit! We don't- We're asexual!"

Ah, a new thing to file away under things he had never known before about Kylo Ren. Ben had never said anything of the sort. As far as he knew Ben had been gay. This man wasn't Ben. "He can sleep in your room, then. Why don't you put him to bed and make sure he can't hurt himself?"

Kylo smiled at him. Ben had never done that.

-

As Kylo dragged his boyfriend up the stairs, Luke went into the kitchen. He needed advice on this, and to write something down. He was not going to spend the next week mixing up Ben and Kylo, he needed a list of things to remember about Kylo.

Luke grabbed a notepad from off the top of the fridge and a pen from his pocket, and scrawled down what he knew so far.

_New nephew Kylo Ren_

_-asexual_  
-dating a redheaded guy named Hux (don't tell Leia)  
-not afraid to (near fatally) hurt others, including family  
-likes cats, hates dogs larger than a cat  
-loud music and knives  
-big fan of Anakin Skywalker's work during the 'Vader' phase  
-doesn't drink, likes sweet snacks  
-smiles at me 

Luke folded the paper and stuck it into his front pocket with his pen. One task done, now for the other. To get advice. Since Kylo told him not to tell Leia about Hux, that gave him freedom to call up Han. Surely Han would have some idea about what to do with his wayward son and his mysterious boyfriend.

He grabbed his phone off of the wall and dialed. He twisted the wire between his fingers as he waited for Han to pick up his cell. It rang three times before finally Luke heard a gruff, " _What?_ "

"Han, it's Luke. I need your advice on something."

" _For real? You want_ my _advice?_ "

"Yes, it's about Kylo." Han sighed on the other end of the line. "Han, come on. He's your son. He... do you know about his boyfriend?"

" _That ginger fuck?! What- why are you asking about that freak? Is he there?!_ "

"Yes- he's here. I came home and Kylo was in the living room with him. Han, he's completely drugged up, covered in blood and bruises. Kylo says his parents did it to him, I don't know what to do. I had him take Hux upstairs to let him sleep."

" _Get him out of your house and far away from Ben! His fucking friends are gonna be crawling through your windows if you don't kick him out! Get. Him. Out._ "

"His friends? What do you..." Luke trailed off as he heard a tap on his window. Looking at the glass, he could see a person standing there, waving at him. Noticing that he was looking, they pointed at the window with a sharpie, where they had written HUX? on it. They were wearing a silver colored gas mask and a simliarly colored hood, so he couldn't tell who they were. "Oh. His friends."

" _At the window? Is it the silver one? That's Phasma. She's alright, but if you don't let her in she'll use her gun to break down the door._ "

"Yeah just wait a second I'll let her in." Luke set down the phone and then opened the window. He sighed, "Phasma?"

She seemed taken aback that he knew her name. "Er, yes, that's me. Is Hux here?" There was a gun strapped to her back, a big rifle, and looking down revealed a pistol in a holster on her red studded black belt.

"He's upstairs with Kylo. I'll let you in through the front door."

"Yessir!"

-

"Thanks for letting me in, sir." Phasma gave him a nod as she stepped into the house. Luke was unnerved by how tall she was. "Sorry for writing on your window. I can wash it off for you later."

"That would be kind of you. The stairs are over there, Kylo's room is the one with the skull sticker on it." Setting her off in the right direction, he headed back to the kitchen.

Picking up the phone, he was mildly surprised that Han was actually still waiting for him. "Hey."

" _So, how was Phasma?_ "

"Well, she seems nice. Two guns, though."

" _Two? She usually has more. Well, she'll be good as long as you don't threaten Ginger in any way. She'll tear you in half if you do. God knows why she'd protect a fuck like him._ "

At least Hux had people who cared about him, even if he himself didn't seem like a good sort of person. Well, as long as his house wasn't destroyed and nothing illegal occured under his roof, Luke wouldn't mind. He'd given up on regulating Ben's behavior a long time ago, he wasn't going to start trying to regulate Kylo's. It was easier to let things just happen, and it also made Kylo happier, which was the ultimate goal.

"So no good advice?"

" _Well now that Phasma is there you have no chance of kicking Ginger out, so give them food or something, water. Trust me, they're like weird hamsters. The house is the bedding, and they need nutrients from you, the keeper. Ben also does the mother-eating-the-babies thing, except he just kind of rolls onto Hux or shoves him into a small space instead of eating him when exposed to danger. Phasma just bites when threatened._ "

Luke wasn't very sure how he was supposed to take the hamster analogy, but food and water he could do just fine. It _was_ nearing the time he would usually make dinner. Going out for a long walk had really made him lose track of time.

"Thanks, Han. Find a better comparison."

" _Yeah, no thanks. Seeya, kid._ "

-

Luke brought them plain ham and cheese sandwiches and bottles of water, which Phasma eagerly took from him when she opened the door. She put down the plate on the bed and pulled down the mask, revealing her face and some platinum blond hair. She grabbed one of the sandwiches and sat on the edge of the bed. Kylo grabbed another one and tore a chunk off, overing the piece to Hux, who was curled up miserably on the bed.

"Pumpkin, you gotta eat something." Hux reluctantly opened his mouth and allowed Kylo to place the sandwhich bit in his mouth. "Good. Have some water..."

They seemed fine, so Luke let them be.

**Author's Note:**

> Afterwards: Hux comes to his senses in a few days and is absolutely humiliated about what happened. "Did I sing that stupid song?" He asks. "Yup." Luke answers. Hux wants to die of shame. Kylo and Phasma do the mother-hamster thing Han mentioned to him to try and soothe him. Doesn't work well. Luke adds 'hamster thing??' to the list. Phasma, does, in fact, clean the window.


End file.
